When this house was built it didn’t have a garage. It had a carport below the bedrooms that was open on three sides. At some point they closed it up and added a garage door. We can tell this because inside the garage, the wall facing the house has the same green wooden lap siding that surrounds the outside of the rest of the house. Also next to the door to get into the house from the carport, now garage, is a doorbell button and a motion sensor light. A doorbell inside of the garage is just an odd anachronism, but it is the light that is actually causing problems. No, it’s not malfunctioning, in fact it is because it is working perfectly that it is a problem.

You see, the motion sensor light stays off until it senses something moving in the garage, then it comes on. This would acceptable behaviour for an exterior light. This is might even be OK if we used the garage as, well, a garage. We’d drive in and the light would come on. However we have the big carport below the deck so never actually put a car in the garage. The garage is just where we keep the freezer, and the exercise equipment, and some hand tools and a bunch of boxes of stuff we haven’t unpacked yet. One thing the garage does not have is a window so we can’t see a bloody thing until the light comes on and it won’t come on until it sees us moving.

Just walking into the garage won’t trigger the light. Walking around in the dark would probably do it but with the junk on the floor it’s dangerous Strangely enough, what we found works best though is ***Jazz Hands***. You know the move made popular by Bob Fosse and Jack on Will & Grace. We go out into the garage, the door closes, we stand in the dark doing ***Jazz Hands*** and the light comes on. It’s a little silly but it works.

Now the light is programmed to stay on for a while and then shut off. When we got here it was set for 15 minutes which we thought was a bit excessive. We don’t want the light to waste energy and so we’ve set it to go off after a minute or two. That’s enough to run to the tool bins for a screwdriver or to the freezer for a pizza and make it back. A couple of times per week though, we don’t make it and the light goes out leaving us in the dark on the far side of the room. As I mentioned, scattered around the floor is an assortment of boxes, exercise equipment, and junk so if we tried to walk back to the door in the dark we’ll trip on a barbell, fall down, and die. This would be bad because then nobody would be left to feed the cats. We have to re trigger the light before we can move. The thing is, when we’re on the other side of the room, a simple ***Jazz Hands*** isn’t enough. The sensor won’t see it. Now I’ve said previously that I don’t dance. You will never SEE me dancing. However I come perilously close to that flailing around in the dark trying to get the bloody garage light back on. Fortunately as soon as it does, I stop, so you will never SEE me doing it. My performances are like of cockroaches. You never see them in the light but they are there.Some days I have to do an entire medley from Damn Yankees or Guys and Dolls to get the lights on again.  {EDIT: And just how does the singing help anyway?  Marsha.}

Now we do have another light in the garage. A four foot long fluorescent fixture in the middle of the room. It’s controlled by a switch next to the back door. If we have to work in the garage for an extended period we go out, do ***Jazz Hands*** until the motion sensor light comes on, then go to the back door and turn on the main light. Then we can stay out there as long as we want. The motion sensor light will go off after a minute or so but that’s not a problem. The room is fully illuminated for whatever we need to do. We do however have a problem when we are done and want to go back inside the house. When we turn off the main light the garage is dark (remember, there's no windows in there). The switch by the back door is out of sight of the motion light sensor light so flailing around in the dark back there is not going to accomplish anything. We’ve been smart though. I mentioned previously that with all the boxes and things on the floor, if we tried to walk around the garage in the dark we’d trip, fall down, and die. However we have left a path from the back door to the door into the house clear of any obstacles. The door to the house has a small decorative window in it so we have a little spot of light to follow.

And therein lies the irony. As long as we DO go to the light, we’ll never die.

Happy Halloween

PIX: Here's some shots of the last crescent moon at dawn a few days before Halloween