There are rules for things. Without these rules the world descends into chaos. One of the rules is that some things are outside things and some are inside things. Outside things are unclean and inside are sterile. Outside includes, spiders, slugs, actually any bug, bears, mountain lions, and anyone that goes by the name of “Bif”. Inside things include stuff that is washed regularly such as Marsha and I, the cats, our furniture and fixtures, and our food. On that last point, I do realize that some of our food starts out outside. For example, apple’s, blackberries, and things from the garden. These are converted to inside things when WE deliberately bring them into the house ourselves, through a process I call “magic”.

This became an issue this week. You see fall is coming on and various critters are trying to get into the house. Let nobody tell you animals, even simple ones, aren’t smart. They know what’s coming and are looking for someplace warm to hole up. Mid week I was surprised in the bath by a spider. Actually I didn’t notice him at first. I was tipped off by the clicking noise as he walked. This is the kind of spider that the cats would be afraid of, and they have claws and a killer instinct. What did I have? Fear mostly. As this refugee from Eight Legged Freaks strolled across the floor I set a lid on him and ran off to get Marsha to dispose of the monster. (EDIT: He really did. It was big but I’ve seen bigger. Marsha). This was the first of several spiders we found inside the house. I included a picture last week of Ernie out on the deck. He’s outside where he belongs, but I suspect he was the scout for the rest of the arachnid hoard.

The war goes on.

Last Monday we had the day off for Thanksgiving. I was listening to the CBC that morning when as part of the news they read a warning from Environment Canada about bears. They are coming down out of the mountains in search of food. The warning included a bit of advice. “If you encounter a bear you should talk to it in a low soothing voice while you back away.” At this point Rick Cluff, the host of the morning show, and I suspect former comedian, started talking to the microphone with a Barry White voice. “Hello bear. Ohh I like what you’ve done with your fur, that really looks nice. What’s that fragrance you’re wearing? Salmon? Ohh I like that, bear…..” He went on this improv riff for about five minutes. You could hear everyone in the studio trying to keep under control but finally collapsing in laughter. Even the crew in the booth had completely lost it. When he finally came to an end he paused, and then in his normal voice asked “So Amy, what’s up with traffic this morning?” She was completely flummoxed.

I do like the Early Edition

In a related vein, we saw a note on a gate up the street saying that a Mountain Lion had been spotted in our neighbourhood. Apparently it’s come down out of the hills looking for food as well. Somehow I don’t think a mountain lion would respond to Barry White, so we’re just going to be careful.

The weirdness isn’t just on the radio though. Saturday we were going into town on Dickenson Road. This road starts in the middle of Lantzville (it just doesn’t feel right to call it downtown) loops down by the beach and then up into Nanaimo. The uphill bit is long and twisty. We were starting on the uphill part when we came up behind a black SUV. They were going slower than us so we slowed down to stay behind them. Then they slowed down and so did we. Then they slowed down again. Finally Marsha in exasperation said “I’m not going to pass you!” No sooner were the words out of her mouth when they turned on their blinkers, climbed the curb, and parked on the grass.

I guess that proved her wrong.

So we’re battening down the hatches for winter. After a summer of using up last years preserved stuff, we’ve started filling the freezer. The biggest addition was a 20 point turkey. Barbara had picked it up for her annual huge Thanksgiving bash. However as the week went on more and more people found they couldn’t make it. Finally last Saturday she called us in a panic. “Don’t take the turkey out of the freezer!” The party had dwindled to the point where she got an eight pound bird which was plenty for the five of us. We’ll save the twenty pounder for Christmas.

And finally, one evening when I got home from work I encountered a Wooly Bear caterpillar. The legend is that you can tell how severe the upcoming winter will be by how thick their fur is. I have to admit that I have no idea what normal would be for a Wooly Bear caterpillar. As a result I have no idea if a particular one was furrier than most. However there is another way to tell how bad the winter will be. This particular Wooly Bear was trying to break into the house.

I take this as a bad sign.

Doug & Marsh

PIX: Autumn Sunrises