I saw an odd thing at the store last time I was there. I was at the deli counter and one of the things they had was Montreal Style Smoked Meat. Meat? Uh, any particular kind of meat? Cow? Pig? Walrus? Zombie? I mean it’s not like meat is interchangeable. It’s not like you could make chicken noodle soup with bacon. Ingredients matter. For that matter so does language. I told Marsha that I was going to make her Banana Pancakes. But for some reason she was a bit disappointed with what I showed her.



Apparently she didn’t get that Banana Pancakes means pancakes in the shape of bananas. I mean if I said that I was going to make smiley face pancakes you would know that I meant the pancakes would be in the shape of a smiley face. If I said I was going to serve ladyfingers you wouldn’t call the police, would you? Apparently Marsha thought Banana Pancakes might have some actual bananas in them. Go figure. I was able to save the day though by coming up with Strawberry, Banana Pancakes. Once again, victory through the strategic use of a comma. 



We were talking about this last weekend with a friend of ours. She mentioned that she was never good at making pancakes in the shape of things. I told her that I was good at making “pancake animals” and the secret was to limit your selection to creatures. Don’t try to make an elk with antlers. Don’t try to make a spider in its web. Make things you know you can make. Myself, I’m really good at jellyfish, and flounder, and flowers, and the sun, and sunflowers, and rolled up armadillos, and well that’s about it. Actually it all depends on the age of your audience and how you present it. Three year olds are great. They’ll believe anything. “Yes that IS what a hippopotamus looks like, when it’s walking away from you.” If you’re dealing with college age kinds then it’s trickier. “Oh that? It’s a dilithium crystal from Star Trek Deep Space Nine episode one oh seven, the directors cut edition. No, you can’t download it anywhere. I’ll try to find you my copy after breakfast.” 

Then last weekend I made a pumpkin pie. For some reason people thought this meant that it would be filled with pumpkin. Who does that? 



No, it was filled with blackberries and I thought it was perfectly logical and clear but you wouldn’t believe the grief I got over it. Marsha to her credit just rolled her eyes but the cats. the cats were overtly contemptuous. OK cats are always a bit contemptuous, but they really were over the top this time. 

Which brings me back to the Montreal-Style Smoked Meat. By calling something a “style” you can get away with anything. Maybe Montreal Style means frog? Maybe Montreal Style means Vegan with a hint of kale for extra toughness? I don’t know. Marketers have known the power of “Style” this for years. I remember the Dodge K-Car that was marketed as "Euro-Styled". Well, I suppose it did look like something out of East Germany, but really. 

On Saturday we had breakfast at a place called Tania’s Restaurant in Nanaimo. Now understand over the years we’ve eaten in a lot of places. Places with crystal silverware and bone china made from real bones. This wasn’t like that. What Tania’s is, is a nice local diner. It’s clientele is made up of locals, not tourists. The head waitress calls everyone “Hun”. The portions are quite large. They don’t give you a bill, you go up to the register and tell them what you had. It appeared that most of the people in there were regulars. The food was good. The service was passible. The ambiance, well if you worry about such things this place isn’t for you. Imagine Cheers, but as a restaurant. We enjoyed Tania’s and will probably go back for lunch.

And on the subject of food, we were on the menu this week. You see by Monday the smoke had gotten really bad. literally visibility was around 300 meters. I grew up in Eugene, Oregon and back then the biggest agricultural crop in the area was grass seed. You know, like for lawns or golf courses. Well, as part of the process the farmers would burn off the stubble and straw left over after the harvest, “to sterilize the fields". Whatever the reason, it meant that summers were filled with field burning smoke. A couple of times it was so bad they even had to close the airport. But it was never as bad as it was here on Monday. Here's a shot from space of the southern end of Vancouver Island. The grey brown blot is smoke from the forest fires.



Fortunately as the week went on the wind shifted and cleared out the smoke, which brings me back to us being on the menu. You see, because of all the fires, the air quality was really bad and we had closed up the house to keep the smell out. Wednesday morning I realized it had cleared a lot overnight so I opened up the doors and windows to air the house out a bit. What I didn't expect was mosquitos. We almost never see a mosquito here in Lantzville. They are just not common and the few we do have are tiny. Some people don't even have screens on their windows because they are just not a problem. That's why it was such a surprise when, about fifteen minutes after I opened the windows, I realized that a swarm of mosquitos had come in. Not little ones either. Strategic Air Command mosquitos. Mosquitos so big you could feel the wind from their wings. Mosquitos that hurt when they stab you. Mosquitos that you see flying by, try to swat, and then realize are twice as far away than you expected. I spent the rest of the morning acting as bait and then swatting them. We were still nailing the little bloodsuckers the next day. 

Here’s what I don’t understand. We are in a drought. Ditches that normally have water in them all year are dry. The little damp spots in the forest where worms and slugs hang out when things get bad are just dust. So if it is so bloody dry, why do we have more mosquitos than ever before? And huge ones. Nature is so weird sometimes.

Doug & Marsha

PIX: Thursday Morning and the wind had shifted. Blue sky in one direction. A wall of smoke piled over the mainland in the other.