05 April 2015
April Fool's Week
05/04/15 05:32
HAPPY EASTER!
Wednesday was April Fools' Day. Now it may surprise you, but I’m not a fan of April Fools' Day. Most of the jokes are kinda’ cruel or silly or just dumb. Someone put a Post-It on my desk before I got in saying, “See Me Immediately” with an illegible signature. No, I didn’t fall for it. It was just too obvious. I want jokes that are subtle. Most of what I see on April Fools' are just crass and only would fool the exceedingly gullible. Which brings up an interesting bit of information, did you know that gullible is not actually a real word. You won’t find it in the dictionary. Go ahead and check.
Some of you may have heard of Amazon’s plans to deliver packages by unmanned drone. It appears they are testing the drones in Canada.
http://www.cbc.ca/news/technology/amazon-tests-delivery-drones-at-a-secret-site-in-canada-here-s-why-1.3015425
Now, this is a project that I just don’t understand. I mean they will have to build a network of warehouses and control centres all over to replicate what existing delivery companies already have all so they can use a less reliable way of delivering packages that exposes them to a large liability risk. And lets not get started on the large number of people I’ve seen online that openly talk of looking forward to “goin’ drone huntin’ “. And the worst part of this: How do you think the packages will get from Amazon’s headquarters in Seattle to their new warehouses? That’s right, on the same package delivery services they are not going to be using for the last five miles. It’s pure insanity.
Also from Amazon is the Dash button. For those of you who haven’t caught wind of it, it is a physical button you keep in your house. It has the logo of a product on the front and whenever you run out of something you just tap the button and it’s ordered, presumably to be dropped off within 30 minutes by a drone.
http://www.newyorker.com/culture/culture-desk/the-horror-of-amazons-new-dash-button
Imagine this scene: a laundry room. A three year old has climbed up on the dryer and is happily amusing himself. “Puss da button,, Puss da button, , Puss da button….”.
Automatic ordering and automatic delivery what could possibly go wrong with that? Together I fear they will end up just like The Sorcerers Apprentice. I can see mountains of Tide and Pampers building up in front of houses across the country. If anything should be an April Fools' gag this is it. Unfortunately for the stockholders, it’s not.
But enough about that. What’s been happening around here? Well I got Friday and Monday off of work. My company closes on both Good Friday and Easter Monday so I got an extra long weekend, but Marsha didn’t. Actually I got Thursday off as well. We had to make another trip to Victoria to see a Doctor. You see this all started a week ago with that call from the Doctor that I missed because of the unreliable LG phone. That’s why I replaced it last weekend. I suspect that call was to prepare me for a call from a different Doctor’s office that came in on Marsha’s phone about 4:30. She handed the phone to me and the call went something like this:
“Hello, this is Doug.”
Hi this is **** from Dr. ********’s office. As you know you’re going to be having some major surgery…”
“Uh…what?”
“Yes, we need to have you come in to consult with Dr. ******** about the upcoming procedure.”
“Uh…wait, wait, wait, what the hell are you talking about?”
But she didn’t know any of the details. We scheduled an appointment for the following Thursday, and spent the week sweating bullets about what they may have found. OK, it didn’t help that we watched Ken Burns new documentary, Cancer: The Emperor of All Maladies. I mean it was good if a bit intense in places. Probably should have been a bit farther away from chemo and surgery before we saw it. Don’t get me wrong, it’s great, absolutely fascinating, but for us it was also an emotional punch in the gut. We were quite wrung out by the time Thursday rolled around and we headed for Victoria. It was a very quiet trip. We ate breakfast from Tim’s on the road with little conversation.
We met with the Doctor and he outlined what they had found in the PET scan last month. Nothing we didn’t already know about. There was a thing, but they’re not sure what it is. He outlined the options, which were more or less what I was told in the conference call in February. The procedure we scheduled? A needle biopsy. It’ll be in and out and I’ll go home that day. The week of worry and a nervous trip down to Victoria turned out to be just a big, if inadvertent, April Fools' gag.
I really hate April Fools' Day.
So let me leave you with this bit of odd news. In France they just passed a law that bans underweight models. It’s not a joke, this is really true. Models with a Body Mass Index of less than 18 could be fined or even face jail time.
http://www.bbc.com/news/world-europe-32174364
My question though is this: If they’re that skinny, how would you keep them behind bars?
Doug & Marsha
PIX: While we were in Victoria we stopped at the rock shop and Marsha got me a sample of Bismuth. Seals frolicking off of Lantzville Beach.
Wednesday was April Fools' Day. Now it may surprise you, but I’m not a fan of April Fools' Day. Most of the jokes are kinda’ cruel or silly or just dumb. Someone put a Post-It on my desk before I got in saying, “See Me Immediately” with an illegible signature. No, I didn’t fall for it. It was just too obvious. I want jokes that are subtle. Most of what I see on April Fools' are just crass and only would fool the exceedingly gullible. Which brings up an interesting bit of information, did you know that gullible is not actually a real word. You won’t find it in the dictionary. Go ahead and check.
Some of you may have heard of Amazon’s plans to deliver packages by unmanned drone. It appears they are testing the drones in Canada.
http://www.cbc.ca/news/technology/amazon-tests-delivery-drones-at-a-secret-site-in-canada-here-s-why-1.3015425
Now, this is a project that I just don’t understand. I mean they will have to build a network of warehouses and control centres all over to replicate what existing delivery companies already have all so they can use a less reliable way of delivering packages that exposes them to a large liability risk. And lets not get started on the large number of people I’ve seen online that openly talk of looking forward to “goin’ drone huntin’ “. And the worst part of this: How do you think the packages will get from Amazon’s headquarters in Seattle to their new warehouses? That’s right, on the same package delivery services they are not going to be using for the last five miles. It’s pure insanity.
Also from Amazon is the Dash button. For those of you who haven’t caught wind of it, it is a physical button you keep in your house. It has the logo of a product on the front and whenever you run out of something you just tap the button and it’s ordered, presumably to be dropped off within 30 minutes by a drone.
http://www.newyorker.com/culture/culture-desk/the-horror-of-amazons-new-dash-button
Imagine this scene: a laundry room. A three year old has climbed up on the dryer and is happily amusing himself. “Puss da button,
Automatic ordering and automatic delivery what could possibly go wrong with that? Together I fear they will end up just like The Sorcerers Apprentice. I can see mountains of Tide and Pampers building up in front of houses across the country. If anything should be an April Fools' gag this is it. Unfortunately for the stockholders, it’s not.
But enough about that. What’s been happening around here? Well I got Friday and Monday off of work. My company closes on both Good Friday and Easter Monday so I got an extra long weekend, but Marsha didn’t. Actually I got Thursday off as well. We had to make another trip to Victoria to see a Doctor. You see this all started a week ago with that call from the Doctor that I missed because of the unreliable LG phone. That’s why I replaced it last weekend. I suspect that call was to prepare me for a call from a different Doctor’s office that came in on Marsha’s phone about 4:30. She handed the phone to me and the call went something like this:
“Hello, this is Doug.”
Hi this is **** from Dr. ********’s office. As you know you’re going to be having some major surgery…”
“Uh…what?”
“Yes, we need to have you come in to consult with Dr. ******** about the upcoming procedure.”
“Uh…wait, wait, wait, what the hell are you talking about?”
But she didn’t know any of the details. We scheduled an appointment for the following Thursday, and spent the week sweating bullets about what they may have found. OK, it didn’t help that we watched Ken Burns new documentary, Cancer: The Emperor of All Maladies. I mean it was good if a bit intense in places. Probably should have been a bit farther away from chemo and surgery before we saw it. Don’t get me wrong, it’s great, absolutely fascinating, but for us it was also an emotional punch in the gut. We were quite wrung out by the time Thursday rolled around and we headed for Victoria. It was a very quiet trip. We ate breakfast from Tim’s on the road with little conversation.
We met with the Doctor and he outlined what they had found in the PET scan last month. Nothing we didn’t already know about. There was a thing, but they’re not sure what it is. He outlined the options, which were more or less what I was told in the conference call in February. The procedure we scheduled? A needle biopsy. It’ll be in and out and I’ll go home that day. The week of worry and a nervous trip down to Victoria turned out to be just a big, if inadvertent, April Fools' gag.
I really hate April Fools' Day.
So let me leave you with this bit of odd news. In France they just passed a law that bans underweight models. It’s not a joke, this is really true. Models with a Body Mass Index of less than 18 could be fined or even face jail time.
http://www.bbc.com/news/world-europe-32174364
My question though is this: If they’re that skinny, how would you keep them behind bars?
Doug & Marsha
PIX: While we were in Victoria we stopped at the rock shop and Marsha got me a sample of Bismuth. Seals frolicking off of Lantzville Beach.