So the other morning I was getting ready for work. Now it’s gotten late enough in the year that it’s dark when I’m bustling around getting my lunch made, and showering, and such. OK I have the light on in the shower but other than that I do try to make as little disturbance as possible. Marsha is still sleeping and I don’t want to wake her any earlier than necessary. It’s one of those nice things spouses do for each other. I try to be as quiet as possible when I’m running around in the morning, and Marsha reciprocates by having a Minnesota Twins baseball game playing in the bedroom when I’m trying to go to sleep.

Ahem…

Actually I kid. Few things will put me to sleep faster than baseball.

Speaking of baseball, what's up with Los Angeles? I saw a game in the TV listings featuring the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim. Of Anaheim? I thought where the team was based was the root of the name. Now it appears you can just add any city name you like and play somewhere cheaper? What's next, the Dallas Cowboys of Little Rock? The New York Yankees of Hoboken? The Minnesota Vikings of Sioux Falls? The New Orleans Pelicans of Houston? And wait…The Pelicans? What’s up with that?

But I digress.

One morning this week I had showered and was getting dressed. Dressed means every day new underwear, socks, shirt and usually pants. I want to look nice and fresh at work after all. Of course at work they don’t see my underwear, but as we all were told by our mothers growing up we should always have clean underwear on in case we end up in the Emergency Room. Personally if I were on a gurney and the Doctor came in to remove an impacted bumper, I’d like to think the state of my shorts would not be paramount on his mind. (“Dammit nurse. Why wasn’t this patient prepped. He has a hole in his Hanes. I can’t possibly operate under these conditions.”) But it was drilled into me from an early age so I try to change them every day. Actually I also carry a spare with me as well. I noticed that my computer bag has good padding on the sides but not on the bottom. I took an old pair of shorts, rolled them up and stuffed them in the bag as a bumper for my computer’s bottom. It works, and you know, if I ever need a pair for whatever reason, it’s there for my bottom.

But I digress.

Anyway, so I was dressing. Now remember it’s dark and I don’t want to wake Marsha so I’m standing in the corner on one foot while trying to get my shorts over the other. Usually this goes smoothly. I have been dressing for myself for over fifty years now so I like to think that I have the routine down pretty well. This time though, my slightly damp foot caught on the fabric, pulling my hands down followed by my shoulders and upper body. Suddenly I’m falling forward in the dark. Instinctively I tried to catch myself by extending my leg and foot, but it was caught in my shorts and so this only made the situation worse. I tipped over like a logged fur tree and landed on the floor with a loud thump. This woke Marsha up, or maybe it was the cats fleeing in terror across her chest and face that did that. She looked at me and everything was quiet for a few seconds. Then she asked me why I was doing gymnastics in the bedroom at 5:30 in the morning. So you see, I almost went to the ER BECAUSE I had to have clean underwear on. I learned something from this little incident:

Never listen to your mother.

But there have been a lot of weird things this week. For example Friday they finished, almost anyway, the new bathroom downstairs. We decided to celebrate so I popped open a bottle of sparkling wine. Now we try to buy BC products whenever possible. Produce, cheese, (except for Tillimook of course), beer and wine, all sorts of stuff. There are some great breweries and wineries in BC which makes it easier. Last week for example we picked up a six pack of Okanagan Springs Summer Weizen. It was a nice light brew that I rather enjoyed. Marsha not so much but I guess apricot beer is an acquired taste. Mind you, we didn’t know that it was apricot beer. It didn’t say apricot beer on the cans. OK it did say apricots in the ingredients. And there were apricots on the sign. And the cans are apricot coloured but hey, anyone could miss that.

But I digress.

Anyway I pulled out this bottle of bubbly we’d had in the fridge for a few weeks.  The lady at the liquor store recommended. It was called Haywire from the Okanagan Crush Pad Winery. They have the oddest names for things around here. It was actually quite good, slightly drier than I normally go for, and with 12.5% alcohol we got hammered on just one bottle, but we enjoyed it. Actually the only issue I have with the Crush Pad Winery has to do with the packaging. You see, they didn’t use a cork. They didn’t use a plastic cork either. No, the bottle has a crimp on bottle cap just like a Pepsi bottle. Not a twist off one either, just an old fashioned flip it with the B end of a church key opener and it’s off, metal cap. Now I figured this was fine. I’m not prejudiced. I don’t look down on a bottle of wine because of the cap. Wine is like people, it’s what’s on the inside that counts, (Unless there’s a hole in the wine’s underwear, then all bets are off). So I pulled out the opener and popped the cap off.

This is when I discovered WHY most sparkling wines use a cork. You see with sparkling wine you need to let the pressure off slowly or it will foam up and spray. As soon as I popped the lid I saw the bubbles heading for the open end and gaining speed. Faced with an upcoming mess, not to mention loosing most of a $20 bottle of sparkling wine, I did what any smart, quick thinking man would do in such a situation. I stuck my finger in the hole. I mean I’ve seen Bugs Bunny do this countless times with Elmer Fudd’s shotgun so I figured it should work. I jammed my left index finger down to the first joint in the open bottle, and amazingly it actually did work. The wine stopped as the pressure inside increased  and things settled down. Cool. Now to gently remove my finger.

Uh Oh.

Yes my finger was stuck. Stuck in the bottle of celebratory bubbly. It took me some minutes of wiggling and pulling to get it free and ease the pressure off. Soon though the wine was flowing and toasts were made. And the best part is that Marsha still has no idea why the wine tasted slightly of fingernail and robot grease.

PIX: By popular demand here is a picture of Lantzville on a warm summer day suitable for use as the desktop picture on your computer.