09 February 2014
Drugs, Sports, & Flowers
09/02/14 10:17
The first try to send this email, seemed to have some issues, so I am sending it again.
It started a few weeks ago. I started getting e-mail; from Pfeitzer. OK, it wasn’t really from Pfeitzer, I could tell that from a mile away. I, like everyone, gets lots of SPAM and a good deal of it is the usual fake ads for various drugs. You know the ones from SWNAFCCPWKWITPP Inc. (Seriously We’re Not A Fake Chinese Company Putting Who Knows What In The Pills Pharmaceuticals.) I have a rule programmed in my e-mail to automatically take these and put them in the trash. These particular messages, got past my rule and then they caught my eye because of the Subject line. It said, “Pfeitzer Weekend Sale.” Seriously, Why would Pfeitzer need to have a sale. It’s not like they need the money. It’s not like they look around and thought “Uh Oh, we’re a bit short of cash to make payroll this month, we’d better have a sale.”
Who would fall for this.
Then at the Superstore I came across something interesting. In the pharmacy section next to the Tums and Rolaids they had Apple Cider Vinegar capsules. A box of pills each containing about 1cc of vinegar. The box might have held a quarter cup of vinegar total. The sign said that it was to help digestion. OK, fine, I understand about alternative medicine. It might help, I don’t know. That isn’t what I have a quibble with. It’s the $29 price for this tiny box of vinegar. I looked at the box, and looked at the price. Then I walked across the store to the food section where I can get a GALLON of Apple Cinder Vinegar for less than $5. That makes the little box of pills in the range of a 320x mark up, not 320%, 320x. At this price a gallon of Apple Cider Vinegar, the same identical stuff, would cost around $1600. Seriously, do they think people won’t realize this?
Maybe they don’t.
The best one I saw this week though was at the little pharmacy in Lantzville. They carry plankton. That’s right bottles of plankton, like out of the ocean. Two things about that. First was the quote on the brochure from Jacque Cousteau about how plankton was the foundation of the food chain. Well, maybe in the ocean, and in any event why would that mean I’d want to eat it? By the same logic you’d eat dirt, because it’s the foundation of all land based food chains. The second thing was the banner on the cover of the brochure and the bottle saying “Plankton: The perfect food”.
Maybe if you’re a whale.
It reminds me of the health food stores in Eugene where I grew up. They carried honey and bragged that honey was “the perfect food”. Yeah, for a bee, but for the rest of us a little meat and veg is much better. But I guess what P.T. Barnum said was true:
“Nobody will know what you put in the hot dogs.”
In other news, last weekend was the Super Bowl and this weekend the Olympics started. Now I’m not a Super Bowl or Olympics kind of guy. The Super Bowl tends to be lots of hype around a fairly mediocre game. This year Seattle mopped the floor with Denver. It wasn’t even close. Denver was outclassed in every way. It was like watching the Minnesota Gophers play Michigan.
Then there’s the Olympics. Frankly, I am not that interested in watching the Olympics. Seriously, it’s cold outside. I’d rather watch a nice car race from someplace sunny, over someone doing a face plant in the snow. I’m already wearing a sweater in the house. I don’t want to see more cold. But this morning Marsha turned on the Olympics. “Fine,” I thought, “Whatever. I mean how bad can it be?”
It was team ice dancing.
I have no clue why anyone would want to watch this. People skating around and throwing each other across the ice. It was like hockey without the points, or the scoring, or the action, or anything of interest whatsoever. And realize I’m not a fan of hockey. Though this week I did make a few points with the fellows at work who are rabid hockey fans. One of them even referees amateur games in addition to watching the NHL. I walked up to them when they were discussing the previous nights game. As I got there, Cody (the Hockey Referee), said, “Oh man he was on fire last night.” I immediately added, “That’s wild. You’d think it would melt the ice.” They were quiet for a long time, which I can only take to mean they were impressed with my insight into the game.
Or something.
So last weekend rather than sports, I felt like watching a really bad movie and I found one. Think back to the classic monster film Them. It’s one of the best of the nuclear monsters films of the 40’s and 50’s. It stars giant ants released by nuclear tests in Nevada. They go on a rampage and end up in Los Angeles. The Black Scorpion is the same. Literally it’s almost the same plot with the dialogue and a few details changed. They substitute an earthquake for atomic bombs, rural Mexico for Nevada, giant scorpions for giant ants, and the finale occurs in Mexico City rather than Los Angeles. But despite these cosmetic changes it’s pretty much the same film. It feels, and in most ways is a budget remake of Them, but it was fun. The model work was done by the same guy that did the original King Kong so it was pretty good. The acting is as passible as the lousy script will allow. Best of all there are enough giant plot holes to keep the film on the silly side of believable. Most notable is the kid that keeps getting in trouble, not doing waht the's told, wander ing out and needing to be rescued, etc. Finally he ‘stows away’ in the cage they are lowering into the cave full of scorpions. I mean it was an open 4’x4’ cage with two men and a couple of propane tanks in it. How could they, or at least the people running the crane that sent them down possibly NOT see the kid crouching in the corner? This was the point I wanted to tell the heroes to throw the bloody kid to the bugs. I swear, he was more trouble than Gilligan, and half as useful. This kind of plot hole made this a very fun way to kill an hour and a half. This weekend I rented How the West Was Won. It’s a much better movie with better writing and every classic Golden Age movie star you’ve ever heard of. However it has as much to do with real history as The Black Scorpion does.
Lastly, this coming weekend is Valentine's Day. Here’s a helpful hint for all of you guys out there. On Valentines Day you could go out and get roses, for as much as $50 a dozen (maybe more, that’s the highest price I’ve seen). However here’s an idea; get flower seeds instead. Present them to your special someone and when they look back at you in confusion say (preferably in a drippy, soap opera announcer voice):
"Cut flowers last just a few days. Our love is more durable, so I got you seeds. Seeds that will bloom all spring into the fall, and will grow again in years to come. They will last through the years, just like us.”
This will, if you present them right gain you way more points than some flowers that will be gone within a week. Best of all, you will save a pile of money. Ok you could go out and get a .99 cent pack of daisy seeds, but it would be better to move upscale a bit. Last year I got a big container of wild flowers for $9. Just a measly $9, and Marsha acted like I was the biggest spender on earth. With a box of seeds and the proper presentation, you get all the points AND save money. That’s a Win-Win in my book. For extra points, you could also volunteer to help plant the seeds.
Hmmm, maybe I shouldn’t have put this in something Marsha would see.
It started a few weeks ago. I started getting e-mail; from Pfeitzer. OK, it wasn’t really from Pfeitzer, I could tell that from a mile away. I, like everyone, gets lots of SPAM and a good deal of it is the usual fake ads for various drugs. You know the ones from SWNAFCCPWKWITPP Inc. (Seriously We’re Not A Fake Chinese Company Putting Who Knows What In The Pills Pharmaceuticals.) I have a rule programmed in my e-mail to automatically take these and put them in the trash. These particular messages, got past my rule and then they caught my eye because of the Subject line. It said, “Pfeitzer Weekend Sale.” Seriously, Why would Pfeitzer need to have a sale. It’s not like they need the money. It’s not like they look around and thought “Uh Oh, we’re a bit short of cash to make payroll this month, we’d better have a sale.”
Who would fall for this.
Then at the Superstore I came across something interesting. In the pharmacy section next to the Tums and Rolaids they had Apple Cider Vinegar capsules. A box of pills each containing about 1cc of vinegar. The box might have held a quarter cup of vinegar total. The sign said that it was to help digestion. OK, fine, I understand about alternative medicine. It might help, I don’t know. That isn’t what I have a quibble with. It’s the $29 price for this tiny box of vinegar. I looked at the box, and looked at the price. Then I walked across the store to the food section where I can get a GALLON of Apple Cinder Vinegar for less than $5. That makes the little box of pills in the range of a 320x mark up, not 320%, 320x. At this price a gallon of Apple Cider Vinegar, the same identical stuff, would cost around $1600. Seriously, do they think people won’t realize this?
Maybe they don’t.
The best one I saw this week though was at the little pharmacy in Lantzville. They carry plankton. That’s right bottles of plankton, like out of the ocean. Two things about that. First was the quote on the brochure from Jacque Cousteau about how plankton was the foundation of the food chain. Well, maybe in the ocean, and in any event why would that mean I’d want to eat it? By the same logic you’d eat dirt, because it’s the foundation of all land based food chains. The second thing was the banner on the cover of the brochure and the bottle saying “Plankton: The perfect food”.
Maybe if you’re a whale.
It reminds me of the health food stores in Eugene where I grew up. They carried honey and bragged that honey was “the perfect food”. Yeah, for a bee, but for the rest of us a little meat and veg is much better. But I guess what P.T. Barnum said was true:
“Nobody will know what you put in the hot dogs.”
In other news, last weekend was the Super Bowl and this weekend the Olympics started. Now I’m not a Super Bowl or Olympics kind of guy. The Super Bowl tends to be lots of hype around a fairly mediocre game. This year Seattle mopped the floor with Denver. It wasn’t even close. Denver was outclassed in every way. It was like watching the Minnesota Gophers play Michigan.
Then there’s the Olympics. Frankly, I am not that interested in watching the Olympics. Seriously, it’s cold outside. I’d rather watch a nice car race from someplace sunny, over someone doing a face plant in the snow. I’m already wearing a sweater in the house. I don’t want to see more cold. But this morning Marsha turned on the Olympics. “Fine,” I thought, “Whatever. I mean how bad can it be?”
It was team ice dancing.
I have no clue why anyone would want to watch this. People skating around and throwing each other across the ice. It was like hockey without the points, or the scoring, or the action, or anything of interest whatsoever. And realize I’m not a fan of hockey. Though this week I did make a few points with the fellows at work who are rabid hockey fans. One of them even referees amateur games in addition to watching the NHL. I walked up to them when they were discussing the previous nights game. As I got there, Cody (the Hockey Referee), said, “Oh man he was on fire last night.” I immediately added, “That’s wild. You’d think it would melt the ice.” They were quiet for a long time, which I can only take to mean they were impressed with my insight into the game.
Or something.
So last weekend rather than sports, I felt like watching a really bad movie and I found one. Think back to the classic monster film Them. It’s one of the best of the nuclear monsters films of the 40’s and 50’s. It stars giant ants released by nuclear tests in Nevada. They go on a rampage and end up in Los Angeles. The Black Scorpion is the same. Literally it’s almost the same plot with the dialogue and a few details changed. They substitute an earthquake for atomic bombs, rural Mexico for Nevada, giant scorpions for giant ants, and the finale occurs in Mexico City rather than Los Angeles. But despite these cosmetic changes it’s pretty much the same film. It feels, and in most ways is a budget remake of Them, but it was fun. The model work was done by the same guy that did the original King Kong so it was pretty good. The acting is as passible as the lousy script will allow. Best of all there are enough giant plot holes to keep the film on the silly side of believable. Most notable is the kid that keeps getting in trouble, not doing waht the's told, wander ing out and needing to be rescued, etc. Finally he ‘stows away’ in the cage they are lowering into the cave full of scorpions. I mean it was an open 4’x4’ cage with two men and a couple of propane tanks in it. How could they, or at least the people running the crane that sent them down possibly NOT see the kid crouching in the corner? This was the point I wanted to tell the heroes to throw the bloody kid to the bugs. I swear, he was more trouble than Gilligan, and half as useful. This kind of plot hole made this a very fun way to kill an hour and a half. This weekend I rented How the West Was Won. It’s a much better movie with better writing and every classic Golden Age movie star you’ve ever heard of. However it has as much to do with real history as The Black Scorpion does.
Lastly, this coming weekend is Valentine's Day. Here’s a helpful hint for all of you guys out there. On Valentines Day you could go out and get roses, for as much as $50 a dozen (maybe more, that’s the highest price I’ve seen). However here’s an idea; get flower seeds instead. Present them to your special someone and when they look back at you in confusion say (preferably in a drippy, soap opera announcer voice):
"Cut flowers last just a few days. Our love is more durable, so I got you seeds. Seeds that will bloom all spring into the fall, and will grow again in years to come. They will last through the years, just like us.”
This will, if you present them right gain you way more points than some flowers that will be gone within a week. Best of all, you will save a pile of money. Ok you could go out and get a .99 cent pack of daisy seeds, but it would be better to move upscale a bit. Last year I got a big container of wild flowers for $9. Just a measly $9, and Marsha acted like I was the biggest spender on earth. With a box of seeds and the proper presentation, you get all the points AND save money. That’s a Win-Win in my book. For extra points, you could also volunteer to help plant the seeds.
Hmmm, maybe I shouldn’t have put this in something Marsha would see.