04 May 2014
Crime and Punnishment
04/05/14 05:30
As a few of you may know, today, Sunday, May 4, is Star Wars Day, something I make a point to celebrate each year. Mind you it’s not because I’m a rabid Star Wars fan. There’s far to many noisy explosions in space and other blatant physics errors for that. No, the reason I like Star Wars Day is because of WHY it is this weekend. It isn’t the day the original film was released. It isn’t George Lucas’s birthday. No, the reason is more subtle than that and can be found throughout the films if you know what to look for. At some point or other nearly every character will say, “May the Fourth be with you” and I have to respect such a great pun.
Possibly because of, or maybe in spit of, Star Wars Day, this week the studio announced the cast for the upcoming Star Wars: Episode Seven. Filming will be this summer and the film will come out next year. As you might expect there is a great deal of secrecy around the script. They’ve gone to great pains to keep the plot of the upcoming three films under wraps. There is, however an advantage to being a recovering computer nerd. I have contacts. I know how to find things, to dig out information no matter how deeply buried. As a service to you I’ve hacked around a bit and uncovered the plot outlines and titles of not just episode seven, but all three of the upcoming films. This is what my research has come up with:
#7
Now a middle aged man, Luke Skywalker takes on an apprentice Jedi. It will be a new character with many birdlike characteristics, including feathers. The film will follow the training and angst of his young pigeon-like trainee. The title will be Star Wars Episode Seven: Coo Hand Luke.
#8
The princess is missing. Her friends search the galaxy for her. After many adventures they eventually locate her vacationing in Florida. The title will be Star Wars Episode Eight: Hiya Leah.
#9
In a surprising turn the Star Wars series will end with a romantic comedy. Touched by her friend’s concern in the previous film Leah and Chewbacca start seeing each other. Things get serious and she takes him to see her biological relatives back on Naboo. The title will be Star Wars Episode Nine: Wookie Who’s Coming to Dinner.
You’re welcome.
In other news, work has been going well. We shipped the last four systems of a million dollar order (literally) this week, and started preparing for the next, much smaller, shipment on Tuesday. Midweek I was helping a team working on a new robot design. Things were going well until they found that some cooling fans that had been ordered, and apparently received were nowhere to be found. We spent most of Wednesday trying to locate them. I wonder if this was the legendary hunt for Amelia Airparts.
Later in the week I ran across an interesting discussion of powdered alcohol. There is some debate in both the US and Canada as to if it should be approved as a consumer product. You see, in a process developed in The Netherlands they take pure drinking alcohol, and enclose a tiny amount in microscopic capsules made of a sugar derivative. When the powder is mixed with water the capsules dissolve and you have a distilled spirit. With the proper flavourings it can taste like all sorts of things from vodka to gin to bourbon. Think of it as a backpackers drunk. PopRocks for adults. I mean it would let you carry booze into the house without all the weight and bulk of the water or bottles, not to mention all that embarrassing clinking. Hikers could carry this instead of nasty tasting tablets for “water purification”. I wouldn’t be surprised to see powdered alcohol in the bulk section of Whole Foods alongside the Cream of Wheat, and Oat Groats.
What could possibly go wrong?
In Canadian news the town of Miramichi, New Brunswick has had a problem. It is being terrorized by,
He’s a real beaver. I’m guessing he was just in a bad mood after waking up in May and finding piles of snow still around.
http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/new-brunswick/angry-beaver-delays-traffic-roams-around-miramichi-1.2628083
So here’s to hoping you have a good week. And remember; a plateau is the highest form of FLATtery.
More next week.