11 August 2013
False Advertizing
11/08/13 14:42
We were at the hardware store this last weekend. They had a shelf of crocks. Big ceramic crocks like you could have bought a hundred years ago. They ranged from 2 gallon to over 12 gallon in size, the largest of which was easily a foot and a half tall and the same in diameter. The thing that got me was this huge crock was marked “Microwave Safe”. That was cool until I realized something. It’s microwave safe in the same way as our Prius is microwave safe. In the same way a hippopotamus is microwave safe. It’s microwave safe because there’s no microwave that it would fit in. It reminds me of the sticker I saw on a box of oranges a while back that said, “Gluten Free”. Sure, because it’s an orange. Or the package of Popsicles marked “Low Fat”. Yes because they never had any fat in them. What’s next, a sign on a bag of ice proclaiming Low Sodium? Wait, come to think of it I might have seen that.
Advertising is so weird.
This week I had my first cataract surgery and it was one of the least pleasant experiences I’ve had. It started with me meeting the nurse. She began by saying “I’m going to put three different eyedrops in and just so you know, two of them will sting a bit.” Then between asking me questions and checking things she put in the first drop, which stung a bit, then she put in the second, which stung a bit. Then, after a few more questions she put the third one in that stung, a lot. I guess that technically she did warn me.
Then we went into another room and I sat in a nice lounger. She then said that she was going to put “Some stuff in to freeze your eye.” That went well except it wasn’t a drop. It was a gel. There are few feelings as strange as having a quantity of something the consistency of mayonnaise squirted behind your upper and lower lids. I then sat there for a few minutes before they took me into the operating room.
The operation was routine, oh wait, no it wasn’t. It started OK. The doctor began with the initial procedures and the incision. Then came the emulsifier. For those, like me, that didn’t know, they remove the old opaque lens by liquifying it, with a device called an emulsifier, and sucking it out. Then they slip in the new lens and close up. All fine and good in theory. In this case they got to that step when the doctor picked up the emulsifier and said, “I don’t have any flow”. Apparently it wasn’t working. They checked the hoses. They checked the connections. They checked the power. “Did you test it before we started?” Yes they had. My favourite was when someone actually asked “Have you tried turning it off and back on again?” That was way too familiar. I even considered offering to get up and try to fix it, I am IT after all. Finally after something like 10 minutes, (well somewhere between 1 and 30 minutes, I was fairly stoned on anaesthetic at that point), they traced the problem to the foot treadle the doctor uses to control the flow. They swapped it with the one from the backup unit and were off to the races again.
Once the operation was done and I’d spent some time in the recovery room we went home. The next day I made the big step of removing the right lens from my glasses. Vision isn’t perfect but it’s vastly better, and as the eye heals it should improve even more.
Then we do the other one. Oh goody :|
This weekend was the last two performances of the radio play and yes I still performed despite the surgery. I had to wear a pirate eye patch over the one eye but I still went on. I figured if Teresa didn’t miss a beat in Memory of Water even after getting hit in the head with a jewelry box then I really should press on as well. Interestingly many of the other actors have had cataract surgery and they all said the same thing: Yes, the doctors tell you it’ll be fine in a couple of days but it takes at least a week.
Like I said advertising is so weird.
Doug & Marsha
Pix: The most Canadian tree in the world (red/green), a day on the water, and some plant Marsha seems exceedingly fond of though we have no idea what it is. Maybe it's pot. I don't know. (It is a begonia and was a gift from a friend.-marsh)
Advertising is so weird.
This week I had my first cataract surgery and it was one of the least pleasant experiences I’ve had. It started with me meeting the nurse. She began by saying “I’m going to put three different eyedrops in and just so you know, two of them will sting a bit.” Then between asking me questions and checking things she put in the first drop, which stung a bit, then she put in the second, which stung a bit. Then, after a few more questions she put the third one in that stung, a lot. I guess that technically she did warn me.
Then we went into another room and I sat in a nice lounger. She then said that she was going to put “Some stuff in to freeze your eye.” That went well except it wasn’t a drop. It was a gel. There are few feelings as strange as having a quantity of something the consistency of mayonnaise squirted behind your upper and lower lids. I then sat there for a few minutes before they took me into the operating room.
The operation was routine, oh wait, no it wasn’t. It started OK. The doctor began with the initial procedures and the incision. Then came the emulsifier. For those, like me, that didn’t know, they remove the old opaque lens by liquifying it, with a device called an emulsifier, and sucking it out. Then they slip in the new lens and close up. All fine and good in theory. In this case they got to that step when the doctor picked up the emulsifier and said, “I don’t have any flow”. Apparently it wasn’t working. They checked the hoses. They checked the connections. They checked the power. “Did you test it before we started?” Yes they had. My favourite was when someone actually asked “Have you tried turning it off and back on again?” That was way too familiar. I even considered offering to get up and try to fix it, I am IT after all. Finally after something like 10 minutes, (well somewhere between 1 and 30 minutes, I was fairly stoned on anaesthetic at that point), they traced the problem to the foot treadle the doctor uses to control the flow. They swapped it with the one from the backup unit and were off to the races again.
Once the operation was done and I’d spent some time in the recovery room we went home. The next day I made the big step of removing the right lens from my glasses. Vision isn’t perfect but it’s vastly better, and as the eye heals it should improve even more.
Then we do the other one. Oh goody :|
This weekend was the last two performances of the radio play and yes I still performed despite the surgery. I had to wear a pirate eye patch over the one eye but I still went on. I figured if Teresa didn’t miss a beat in Memory of Water even after getting hit in the head with a jewelry box then I really should press on as well. Interestingly many of the other actors have had cataract surgery and they all said the same thing: Yes, the doctors tell you it’ll be fine in a couple of days but it takes at least a week.
Like I said advertising is so weird.
Doug & Marsha
Pix: The most Canadian tree in the world (red/green), a day on the water, and some plant Marsha seems exceedingly fond of though we have no idea what it is. Maybe it's pot. I don't know. (It is a begonia and was a gift from a friend.-marsh)